honesty time: on being a real friend -- to everyone.

This last week has been crazy full of ups and downs. I am genuinely very happy, but have found myself in some sad situations lately that have caused me to think and reflect a lot on what it means to actually be friends--and what it takes to actually have and keep friends. Not to mention what happens when you lose touch with some of those friends. 

Not too long ago, I was standing outside of my job on what I thought was a really cold day, and someone I barely know at work referred to me as a "freezebaby." First of all, who says that? Second of all, this was something that someone who used to be my best friend (and boyfriend!) used to say to me all the time and I thought he invented the word himself. OK, so this one little word makes me think about all the fun times we had and all the times that each of us had been a best friend to each other and it made me cry in approximately two seconds. I cried at work because of one stupid made up word that an almost-stranger said to me in a casual conversation. But it got me thinking -- if someone really, truly is your best friend and really loves you, does it even matter if you've gotten into a humongous fight or have grown apart and made a few new friends? I don't think so. If there are genuine, good qualities that you both respect in each other, then isn't it possible to be friends even after the demise of a relationship? I think so.

Another thing that got me recently was a conversation with someone about our "favorite ages." -- you know, your very best year in your life (and you're not allowed to pick the current year! that's no fun. that can be your future favorite.). Mine was 19, and when the person I was talking to asked my why, I realized it was almost solely dependent on the aforementioned best friend/boyfriend and another friend who I had just recently met, but almost instantly because very close with. I haven't talked to this second friend much post-graduation for various reasons--there was never any fight or getting upset, but we still ended up growing apart. When I thought about that, I thought about how stupid it was that I didn't still talk to someone who was/could still be one of my best friends. 

When you grow up, real friends are very hard to come across. It is so difficult to find people who truly care and really honestly want to hear how your day was, and genuinely want to seek you out to spend time. And the more I think about it, the more I realize it's so lame to let these people go because you might feel a little bit awkward around them now, or you're still holding a grudge for that time they weren't there for you (when they've provided plenty of other examples of being a good friend), or you're afraid of how they might react to you reaching out to them. 

So, in the spirit of being friends, I decided to make an effort with each of the aforementioned people, among a few others. Don't get me wrong, I didn't type out a heartfelt letter or call them crying or anything drastic--instead, I started out with very small steps -- a tag in a Facebook status, a quick email saying "happy birthday" ... and it mostly worked. I got a text and an invitation a few days later from one friend. And okay, I'm still working on the other.

And maybe we'll never be friends again. Maybe we will avoid each other forever and try to change the topic when each other's name comes up in conversation, or keep ourselves so busy with other people that we don't have time to miss each other. But it doesn't hurt to try, right? Sometimes it takes us being the bigger person. And if these people were ever really friends, they'll realize it sooner or later. 

Have you ever reconnected with an old friend? Tell me about it!